Remembering Bob K.
Bob K. died on August 12th. He had been my friend for many, many years. He was also a recovered alcoholic who had quit drinking 34 years ago, on October 28th, 1991.
He was the author of three books formatted by Chris G. and which I published. Let me mention all three books which are, of course, available on Amazon.
His first published book is called Key Players in AA History. The first edition was published in January of 2015. And a second edition – with eight more chapters – was published in February of 2023, almost exactly eight years later. Organized in six sections and now 40 chapters, the book is a treasure. Every chapter is well researched, much of it is fascinating, and all of it is written in an enjoyable and easily readable style. A very well written history of the founders and early members of Alcoholics Anonymous.
The second is called The Secret Diaries of Bill W. And this is on the back of the book: “Imaginatively conceived, thoroughly researched, and beautifully realized. The book’s biographical fiction genre allows a different side to Bill W. to be revealed and a wealth of new information about the people in his life. That it works so effectively is a testament to the author’s skill as a writer and his genuine expertise in the subject at hand. Bravo!”
The last book written by Bob K. is called Daily Reflections for Modern Twelve Step Recovery. I published it on Amazon in January of this year and it has been very popular. Here is a review of it on Amazon: “I love this book! I love how it reflects the past while accommodating the present and foreseeable future in recovery programs. The past got us to the present and informs our presence, both now and in coming times. Bob comments on this beautifully, and I enjoy this work of his. Thank you for writing this, Bob!”
What comes next are two of the daily reflections by Bob K.
August 17 My dreams and ambitions and curiosity and motivation all washed away in an ever deepening sea of Jack Daniels, Rolling Rock and Heineken. The slide was greased with daily marijuana, occasional serious hallucinogens, and an on-again-off again furious obsession with cocaine.
—Common Sense Recovery, Adam N., p. 12
Our stories are all the same yet different; different yet the same. Adam found in his early drinking: “I had never felt such freedom from fear, self-consciousness, and anxiety. I had never felt so good about myself, never fit in so well.” (Adam N., p. 12) Naturally, the side-effects of drinking and drugging eventually take a heavy toll. Adam’s experience was much like that of many others. “Every attempt to stop or moderate failed miserably.” (p. 13) Nevertheless, we are also different.
“All sections of this country and many of its occupations are represented, as well as many political, economic, social, and religious backgrounds. We are people who normally would not mix. But there exists among us a fellowship, a friendliness, and an understanding which is indescribably wonderful.” (BB, First Edition, p. 27) The diversity of the Alcoholics Anonymous membership has been described in a variety of ways—”from Park Avenue to park bench” comes to mind. The fellowship of the 1930s and early 1940s was almost exclusively male but, in the twenty-first century, AA is thirty-eight percent female. A recent change from “men and women” to “people” acknowledges that some identify as neither male nor female. AA has seen newcomers in their teens and in their eighties. There are alcoholics living in mansions and alcoholics living in alleys. There are Christians and atheists but the vast majority are neither. They fall on some extremely wide spectrum called “spiritual.”
Did addiction rob you of your ambition? Can you follow the example of folks who’ve achieved things they otherwise might not have? Do I seek to identify rather than to compare?
August 29 Nothing great was ever achieved without enthusiasm.
—Ralph Waldo Emerson 1803-1882
There have been few effective solutions over the centuries and thus spouses, parents, children, friends and employers have helplessly watched as the compulsive drinker in their lives went on to destroy themselves with their ongoing indulgence. Physicians and psychiatrists have been frustrated as their dire warnings and other efforts tend to be ignored. Many patients were able to quit for a time but returned to liquor within months or weeks.
William James had an alcoholic younger brother. Members of the James family were high achievers despite rampant mental health and emotional problems. Robertson James self-medicated his issues with alcohol but accomplished precious little. Brother William’s investigations led to the conclusion that the only cure for dipsomania was religiomania. Religious conversion was not terribly successful, but some hardcore alcoholics were reformed. Many thought it was the best that we had at the time.
Carl Jung had passed on similar information to Rowland Hazard in 1926. Mere church attendance would not be enough. The alcoholic would need enthusiasm. Religiomania is fervor about God, religion, and/or a new way of life. That passion was to replace the mania for drinking. Many of those “cured” by religious means became tireless evangelists and took up the mission of helping others to stay free from the chains of alcoholic drinking. Jerry McAuley, Samuel Hadley, Dr. Henry Reynolds, Bill Wilson, and Dr. Bob Smith come to mind as examples. It seems that while religious conversion got them sober, service kept them sober. They remained enthusiastic.
If you aren’t enthusiastic about God and religion, do you have a passion for AA and your fellow alcoholics? Are you involved? Do you do more than merely attend some meetings?
Bob was the most important writer on this website, AA Agnostica. Since the website was created in 2011 I posted a total of 63 articles written by him. At the bottom of this article, Websites and the Growth of Secular AA, which was published in 2021, you can see a 
list of his first 53 articles. I have liked each and every article written by Bob. His very last article was posted on June 1st of this year, and here it is: THE LORD’S PRAYER – OH, LORDY!!
Bob was also a professional golfer. He taught me and my wife how to play golf a few years ago, in 2012. And the picture on the right is Bob and I playing golf.
I will forever miss Bob.
Thank you for this Roger!
Thank you, Roger. Our community will struggle to fill the hole in our hearts left by his absence. Would bob’s 63 articles for AA Agnostica suit a book format?
A book format sounds like a good idea, Margarita. Let me give it some thought…
Wonderful idea!
Agreed.
Wonderful idea.
Perhaps; “AS BOB SAW IT – A SECULAR PERSPECTIVE ON AA”.
Yesterday on Zoom, nearly 200 gathered to grieve together, sharing and celebrating the stories of Bob Kennedy. My experience of co-hosting the Zoom was like being in and out, asleep at the wheel, aware of what I was doing and where we all were, AND scanning the pages of participants, looking for bob k, waiting for his witty retort. One reason that Bob was a more effective communicator than others, is humour touches the hearts of others better than righteous indignation. Humour was Bob’s language, which he used to practical purpose.
I revisited interviews with bob that are part of Rebellion Dogs Radio, first about History and his KEY PLAYERS book, again about his historical fiction, THE SECRET DIARIES of BILL W. For those of you who have listened but never had coffee with Bob, what we hear in these recordings is Bob as natural as in hundreds of other conversations he and I shared about writing, history, AA, and life.
Bob loved AA, with all our foibles. AA, while not his whole life, is where bob k lived. Bob understood that not only can AA endure his critical observations, but that criticism is not disloyalty; to stand and endure the wrath of saying what needs to be said, this is love – the love he held for AA’s history, bredth of personalities and for our potential to be not just good in the world, but also to be better. To AA as a whole, Bob would say, “I’d rather step on your toes than walk on your grave.”
The way I process my own grief, Bob Kennedy doesn’t leave a hole, but he passes on the baton. I sincerely appreciate his lasting and unique contribution. It’s been good knowing you, Bob K, thank you for all you’ve done in my life and others who have had the gift of walking side by side with.
Beautiful words, an eternal legacy that I am indebted to. Thank you for writing Bob, thank you.
Right on, Joe.
Thank you for sharing this.
Thank you. Very grateful for the words you share about bob k. Many of us are still gutted by the loss of a good friend, a beaming light to keep bobbing on.
So sorry for your loss and the loss to the agnostica and fellowship communities.
Thank you, Roger, for your tribute to Bob and for recognizing both the quality and quantity of his writing.
I always appreciated Bob’s early support for our newly formed secular meeting, Widening Our Gateway, back in September 2011. He drove from the east end of the Toronto GTA, across the city, and up to the northern end of Toronto to the small city of Richmond Hill, where we held our meetings on Sunday nights. It was a bit of a trek, and the meetings weren’t quite the same when he was absent: his humour has been duly noted by almost everyone who knew him, but his long-term sobriety added an element of experience that was much needed and appreciated.
Like others, I have really enjoyed Bob’s writing and research, and we are all a lot smarter because of him.
Quoting from Shakespeare’s Pericles on news of a king’s demise, regarding Bob K — “Heavens make a star of him.”
I too was wondering about a collection of his essays. My absolute favorite was thumpertown theater. That was a lovely post Joe and the zoom tribute certainly was surreal. An in-person celebration will be happening soon in Whitby. The date will be announced anytime now and I can post details here.