Step Interpretations

Step 1

This Step helps us shatter our reliance on a false self, which was fed through lack of self-awareness, poor self-worth, and lack of language, plus denial, and a physical, mental and spiritual compulsion.

The first step in recovery is to look inside ourselves. Turning inward is the beginning of becoming more truthful with ourselves. Honesty is essential because addictions thrive on dishonesty: we have become accustomed to hiding from our true feelings and values. (p. 15)

Step One accepts the full negative impact of the addiction process in one’s life. It is a triumph over the human tendency to deny. We recognize that our resolution and strategies… have not liberated us from the addiction process and all its mechanisms that are deeply ingrained in our brains, emotions and behaviours.

By opening our hearts, admitting our powerlessness over alcohol, drugs, and other people’s choices, we are able to remember we are part of the great stream of We. (p. 11)

Step 2

Hope is an important ingredient in all forms of healing. We are given hope, and humbled further because we won’t be able to solve our problem on our own.

What can we believe in? Whom can we trust? The problem is that life is more difficult and empty without someone or something to trust and believe in. (p. 27)

(A higher power) may, but does not necessarily, imply belief in a deity. It means heeding a higher truth than the immediate desires or terrors of the ego. (Dr. Maté provides a fuller understanding of the higher power concept in chapter 34 of his book In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts.)

We “come to” out of the fog of our deluded, addictive mind, reaching for something more. There, waiting for us, are the ancient practices of meditation and mindfulness. (p. 20)

Step 3

This Step is about commitment. We need to make a commitment to finding a new and more effective way of living.

Of course, simple things aren’t always easy. This Step says we turn our will over. When we cling to our will – our fierce determination that things should always go our way – we’ll always be in conflict with something. Our wilfulness keeps us pushing against, not flowing with life. (p. 51)

The word God could have a religious meaning for many people. For many others, it means laying trust in the universal truths and higher values that reside at the spiritual core of human beings, but are feared and resisted by the grasping, anxious, past-conditioned ego.

We decide to let go of our delusions of control, and instead turn toward three specific spiritual practices. These practices are… taking refuge in awakening (buddha)… in the path of mindfulness, understanding, and love (dharma)… in community (sangha). (p. 30)

Step 4

The essence of this Step involves increasing our self-awareness, self-honesty, and insight into our behavior.

When we carry intense guilt, we can hardly bear the thought of reviewing our past deeds. It may feel too painful to think about how we have hurt others and hurt ourselves. We may question the value of opening old wounds and remembering scenes we’d rather forget. It was a revelation to discover that Step Four wasn’t just about agonizing about my past. Instead, it was about getting to know myself better. (p. 59)

The idea here is not self-condemnation, but the preparation of a clean slate for a life of sobriety. We search our conscience to identify where and how we have betrayed ourselves or others, not to wallow in guilt but to leave ourselves unburdened in the present and to help clear our path to the future.

In Step Four we are asked to look at parts of ourselves we are uncomfortable with, the parts that we reject and keep hidden out of fear or shame. (p. 49)

Step 5

We learn the value of self-disclosure, authenticity, and healthy relationships. This Step also continues to dismantle the false self and false pride and helps develop more humility and authenticity.

The Fifth Step offers healing. It shows us how to create a new kind of relationship with people. We make ourselves vulnerable and open, allowing ourselves to be seen for who we really are, maybe for the first time. (p. 93)

Communicating the information – to ourselves in the form of a journal, or to some other human being – makes our moral self-searching into a concrete reality. Shame for ourselves is replaced by a sense of responsibility. We move from powerlessness to strength.

When we admit our wrongs and receive the acceptance and kind understanding of another human being in the Fifth Step, we begin the “healing into the depths” of our addictive mind. Taking Step Five can be the start of cultivating loving compassion towards ourselves. (p. 67)

Step 6

We experience the pain of what we have done to hurt ourselves and others, and we begin to understand and develop insight into our behavioral patterns and the psychological functions of our character defects.

In this Step we become willing to be open to change, willing to let go of habits or traits that cause our lives to be unbalanced. We become open to a deeper knowing and a clearer vision. (p. 95)

We accept that our missteps and our lack of integrity do not represent who we really are and commit to let go of these tendencies as they continue to arise in the future – for they surely will.

The Eastern view is that defects of character are rooted in confusion, based on deluded ideas about ourselves and others. Mindfulness practice develops the clarity to cut through our confusion, getting to the root of it. Once we become aware of a delusion, its spell is broken.  (p. 79)

Step 7

We are learning the importance of being vulnerable and asking for help. This is important in attaining more humility.

But for all of our awareness, we may still not accept ourselves. Step Seven gives us the opportunity to move from self-awareness to self-acceptance. Acceptance is the key to change. Another paradox I have learned in recovery is that when I accept myself just as I am, I can change. (p. 120)

Our shortcomings are where we fall short of, and even lose sight of, our true potential Thus, in giving up the short-term rewards of addictive behaviours, we are choosing a vast enrichment of who we are. Humility is in order in place of pride, that desperate grandiosity of the ego.

We felt the pain of our defects in Step Six. We find it uncomfortable to be self-absorbed, or bitter, or filled with fear. We don’t want to be separated from our true nature any longer; it’s painful to veil it in delusion and choke its expression. (p. 100)

Step 8

The lessons taught in this Step have to do with the fundamentals of healthy communication; delivering our message to the proper person and being as specific as possible.

Where is there ongoing bitterness, animosity, fear or hostility in our relationships? Whom do we resent or avoid? But as we continue to work this Step, we realize that “harm” has other meanings as well. We might want to consider relationships that feel unresolved  – whether we believe we’ve harmed someone or not. Is there unfinished business to attend to? (p. 122)

We are prepared to accept responsibility for each and every sin of commission or omission we have perpetrated on people in our lives.

Finding Pearls in the Dust-bin: Step Eight invites us to strip off the armor of our denial, to let go of rationalizing, justifying, or blaming others for our actions. (p.115)

Step 9

We learn to be responsible for our behavior; we learn how to respect others; and we learn that we are as important as others, no more and no less.

What does it mean to make amends to another person? It means taking responsibility for your part in a relationship. Responsibility refers to the ability to respond appropriately. When you do, you extend hope for something new to yourself and to another person. (p. 137)

Step Nine is not about us, but about others. Its purpose is not to make us feel or look good, but to provide restitution where that’s appropriate… Our fears of how we will look to others should neither drive this step nor inhibit it.

Once we have atoned for our wrongs – even if the other person is not inclined to forgive us, even if this person is not willing to own his or her part in the difficulty – we need to let go… We can experience the relief of having no secrets, making no excuses, and holding no pretences. (p. 119)

Step 10

This Step concerns maintaining our humility, being honest with ourselves, and guarding against false pride.

Now we make a daily commitment to continuing observation and reflection – recognizing when we’re out of balance or hurting ourselves or others. Our ongoing awareness allows us to meet each day and each relationship with responsibility. (p. 152)

This is Step Four in action. As human beings, most of us are far away from attaining perfect saintliness in all our behaviours or interactions, and therefore can afford to give up the process of moral self-inventory only when they lower us into the ground.

Ongoing mindfulness helps us notice the pressure in our chest, the hairs rising on our neck, or the toxic thoughts that precede an emotional hijack. Regular on-the-spot checks – before, during, or after our actions – help us have fewer emotional or relationship messes to clean up. (p. 131)

Step 11

Maintenance is not enough. We need to continue to grow or we will regress. This Step is about expanding our consciousness and continuing to seek more knowledge about our new way of life.

We can choose whatever practice gives us a sense of inner peace. (p. 173)

This is not a demand for submission but a suggested path to freedom. Human life, I believe, is balanced on four pillars: physical health, emotional integration, intellectual awareness and spiritual practice. There are no prescriptions for the latter.

In Step Eleven, we find that making conscious contact with Great Reality deep down within us provides a quiet peace, quenching, at last, our restless yearnings. (p. 143)

Step 12

We develop a new purpose to our life that is not about us. We discover the importance of being of value to others, and we learn that we need to maintain our integrity in all our affairs.

With recovery this can mean that we offer a straightforward explanation of the Twelve Steps, as well as our own personal experience – how we reworked, translated, revised, or otherwise molded the Steps until they were relevant to us. We all have more to offer than the party line and a by-the-book recitation of the Steps. We can share our story any way we like. (p. 188)

Carrying the message to others means manifesting the principles of integrity, truth, sobriety and compassion in our lives. It may call for providing support and leadership when appropriate and welcome, but does not mean proselytizing on behalf of any program, group or set of beliefs.

Through the Twelve Step program, we cross over to a new way of living. We awaken to freedom from cravings, shallow desires, and clinging to what we cannot change… We can live the way of kindness in the world, in “all our affairs,” and let our true face shine. (p. 164)