A Long Time Love Affair
By Georgina
The first time I met you, you had me crawl into the rotting trunk of an old tree at Rattlesnake Point. We had gone there with other teens who long left our sight. You touched something inside me, a part of me vulnerable and deeply grieved. You wallowed in my pain ’til I became unconscious. How I got home that day is beside me. All I know is that I didn’t want to meet you again. At least not like that. I would make sure I wasn’t alone with you. There would always be others to watch over me… so you could never truly see me.
Over the years you would pop into my life and each time I’d welcome you as my dear but dangerous friend. You never seemed to judge me. You didn’t mind if I handled you roughly or tentatively as long as I handled you. If I hadn’t called you for a long time it didn’t seem to matter. We would just pick up where we left off.
I will say you do piss me off when you leave and I have to clean up the mess we made. But since that’s all you do, I forgive you. For all the things you do for me… let me count the ways.
- In your presence you give me courage to speak;
- You make my feet light when I dance with you;
- You’re there when I need you;
- You always deliver relief;
- I don’t mind sharing you with others;
- When I’m alone with you that’s the best;
- When we’re together we don’t let others take advantage… we’re strong against a cruel world.
These are only a few of the attributes that make me long for you. Yet you are dangerous.
You intoxicate all my senses. My boundaries seem to not exist. When you knock on my door I want to shut it but cannot. You don’t call to announce yourself. I am now caught off guard. You don’t leave for days. Not a meal is cooked. You don’t even pay rent. Who do you think you are? You have now taken up residency without my permission. I have become weak. You haven’t changed but I have.
When this love affair started so long ago something in me knew you were dangerous. Maybe that’s what hooked me. A friend once told me “You can love someone who is not good for you”.
All my sensibilities went out the door the more time we had together. Letting you go now lets me see how all your gifts actually robbed me of me. I will pick up my ravaged soul. I will remember how I met you in that rotted tree. I will look at how vulnerable and deeply grieved I am as I look for a dearer friend. One that truly nourishes me. One that doesn’t live in a bottle. One that has always had the key to my heart and walks with me always.
Thank you for coming. Thank you for leaving.
We have an excellent We Agnostics meeting in downtown Hamilton. On a Thursday earlier this month we had two people who got desire chips, one who got a one month chip and another, Georgina, who was provided with a one year medallion – and a wonderful carrot cake!
Georgina read an article that she had written two months into sobriety, and that’s the Long Time Love Affair posted today.
For a PDF of the article click here: A Long Time Love Affair.
Georgina – What a marvelous short, short story. My first line would be, “You had me puke a T-bone steak and baked potato into a waste basket.” I couldn’t wait to get that next buzz, and the love affair lasted 30 years. I wish I had your level of creative expression. One year – that’s a good start – congratulations.
Georgina,
My vulnerability and my grief were gently touched, exposed, and tended to with support and encouragement in my sober living. May you be tended to, cared for, encouraged, through all the ups and downs as life unfolds for you.
It’s an incredible journey. I hope to read more of your creative expression.
Congrats on one year…one day…one moment at a time. Teresa J
Thank you for the reminder of why I keep coming back.
Just … … … terrific! Thanks.
An old analogy, but one that’s very fitting.
I’ve often described quitting drinking as being much like a divorce or break-up. At moments of loneliness or other weakness, it’s easy to get drawn back into the relationship even knowing its ultimately dysfunctional.
There was definitely a period of grieving for my lost love.
Georgina, I was so moved by your love story when you told it at your celebration. So glad you shared it here.
Excellent.
Well done Georgina, a wonderful recounting of the love affair we embrace with alcohol. We got lost in its clutches and then can hardly wait for it to leave until the longing takes over once again. The vicious cycle.
Long may you thrive and write.