The Responsibility Declaration
This was the very first article written by me and published on AA Agnostica! It was published when I first launched AA Agnostica 14 years ago, on July 3rd, 2011.
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I am responsible. When anyone, anywhere, reaches out for help, I want the hand of AA always to be there.
And for that I am responsible.
By Roger C.
I had a hard time in my early days of sobriety.
Most of us do, I know.
It was hard for me partly because I didn’t feel at home in the rooms of AA. You see, Alcoholics Anonymous in the city where I got clean was pretty “old school.” There was a lot of “my higher power” talk. And every meeting ended with people holding hands and reciting the Lord’s Prayer.
It was difficult sometimes to muster the enthusiasm to attend another meeting.
I decided to be “rigorously honest.” I didn’t rant or rave or anything like that – I was pretty quiet in those rooms – but I refused to hold hands and say the “Our Father.” I would just stand back of the circle of hand holders and stare at the floor while the others prayed.
I have to tell you the truth: I wasn’t really appreciated. I got a lot of funny looks. One time I was “kettled:” they wouldn’t let me outside of the circle of hand holding because, as one woman put it: “We want to pray for you.”
I felt spiritually abused.
It became more and more clear to me that I wasn’t welcome in those rooms.
And then, during a visit to Toronto, I found Beyond Belief, the oldest secular AA group in Canada.
I was saved!
It was such a relief to know that I could go to a meeting and be honest and not feel disrespected. Or threatened. Because, you know, it was always implied at those other meetings that if I didn’t find God I would never be able to maintain my sobriety.
I go to a lot of meetings still, of all kinds. But my home, my anchor in sobriety, is Beyond Belief.
And if you want to talk hard core, I believe Beyond Belief fulfills the sole mission of AA. Because AA is first and foremost about helping the suffering alcoholic.
Beyond Belief expresses its primary purpose very well: “Our only wish is to assure suffering alcoholics that they can find sobriety in AA without having to accept anyone else’s beliefs or having to deny their own.”
It’s like a burden has been lifted, and I can work on my recovery. I feel grateful.
Beyond Belief chooses to end its meetings not with a prayer but with a commitment, a declaration: the responsibility declaration.
I loved the Beyond Belief meetings I was privileged to attend in Austin TX at the Galano Club. I wish we had them here in the UK. I am 83 now and pretty restricted for anything but Zoom. 39 years sober and going on One Day at a Time. I love the pledge!
Thanks for that! Just today we ended my home groups meeting with the Chair reciting something from “Psalms” as the closing “Prayer”. I felt disrespected as the Group knows where I’m at. There is a lot of love in my home group but still that nagging “just keep timing… you’ll get it!” Pardon my French but… There’s more than one way to skin a cat.☺️
Roger, you and I are on the same wavelength. I share your discomfort with traditional AA. That’s why I joined Beyond Belief Suburban West here in Mississauga. We close the meeting with the Responsibility Declaration too.
I like closing a meeting with the Responsibility statement! I take what I like and leave the rest… At times I hold hands – other times i don’t. I do not close any meeting with the Lords Prayer and I’ll recite the Serenity Prayer to myself.
And to this day Bill W’s plea that we be inclusive rather than exclusive is still ignored in most of traditional AA. Which too is why I left and found secular zoom meetings. What I find amusing and yet sad is that so many of Bill W’s later writings tried to direct traditional AA to a better path. To this day I’m sure trying to pose one of Bill W’s warnings to Traditional AA as a topic could get you kicked out! “Our” stories are all much the same but if we’ve found “alternative AA” we at least have a better chance at better lives.
Ethical, moral, humane responsibility? I now know my responsibility may be ethical but the basis and reason for my ethics are those I have developed from many sources. The twelve steps and the aa principles have given me a lifelong map through a secular lense, as I was born and raised to believe not to believe in religion and/or any dogma. Being responsible is a choice that has been proven as a key to my ethics which in turn has led to a continuous life of sobriety for over 37 years.
I share with you a quote from an unexpected source; author Brandon Sanderson
“……If you assume I will crusade against religion or other ……. simply because they exist, then you make a mistake. The same mistake made by all who give petty, casual thought to my heresy. They assume I replace religious ideology with an ideology of their absence. That is not the case. I am against dogma of any variety. God, nationality, or philosophy—when you become a slave to it without capacity to change or reconsider, that is the problem. ”
Stormlight Archives #5
Brilliant
Nobody in AA is required to say the Lord’s prayer. The prayer is optional. Holding hands in a circle represents the unity of AA, the most important principle. Standing outside the circle breaks unity. You can hold hands and stay in the circle and say nothing. I did not understand that when I was new. My sponsor explained it to me. I have attended many meetings over my 34 years and have not seen anyone shame anybody regarding their belief in a higher power. The only requirement for membership as a desire to stop drinking.
I am an Atheist. Have been one since mid-teens. I came into AA room in summer of 2003.
Was a walk-in case. Knew of AA before encountering alcohol, reached out to AA when I found that
if I did not change ‘something’, I was headed to an early demise. The ‘something’ did not include stopping alcohol. That I had to stop drinking was the take-away from my first 3 meetings.
One Day At A Time had no meaning for me, if can cannot drink safely ever and I can stop after accepting the problem, why count the days.
In the first post-meeting conversation with an old timer,I was introduced to god/higher power biz. Within 3 minutes I told the old timer ( Class B Trustee of GSO) to talk of anything except god/higher power. He was mature enough to stop taking that line.
I do not hold hands in an AA meeting for anything. I am quite vocal about attaining and maintaining sobriety without personal higher power.I have served as an Area Delegate to the conference for 3 conferences.
I’m afraid there is no alternative to conventional AA meetings in India AFAIK.
I love the responsibility statement, as it is that that helped others be here for me, as I wish to be here for others. Secular AA renewed my hope and passion for AA and sobriety. Thank you for sharing and reminding me of the message of Beyond Belief.
The ostracization, whether implicit or explicit, tells you more about the insecurity of the “in crowd” rather than anything about the “outsider.” It’s not enough that they have a majority, but non-group-think behavior needs to be frowned upon – if not banished – to keep the tribe united.
I was shocked by the amount of “contempt prior to investigation” when I suggested as an alternative (not a replacement) that someone could say The Responsibility Statement in place of Our Father. You would have thought I crucified Christ myself. People immediately assumed that the Statement came from an awful place and terrible motives .. even people who are usually quite calm and logical in their demeanor. Clearly I hit a nerve.
Thanks, Roger, for reminding me of the first days of AA Agnostica and for the memories of my first meeting at a secular AA group. I attended the We Agnostics meeting in Toronto to see what a secular AA group was like. I recall you were there showing your support for We Agnostics’ early days as a group. (I also vividly remember your calm, soothing, radio-like voice sharing your perspective on secular recovery.)
I was at We Agnostics specifically that night because as the Intergroup Representative for my home group, I had attended an earlier Intergroup meeting where it was proposed that both Beyond Belief and We Agnostics should be de-listed, so I figured I should see for myself how “dangerous” secular meetings could be and report back to my home group.
Yes, it was love at first sight—no danger here, only authentic sharing and recovery! (My home group directed me to vote against de-listing, by the way.)
Yes, I had found a new freedom and a new happiness in secular AA, and it’s been that way ever since!
Thanks for your welcoming words.
I struggled a lot with the fear driven concept of “If you don’t surrender to God, you will go mad and drink”.
I now know that is not my truth nor that of my fellow non believers in the rooms.
There will always be the God squad element in 12 Step recovery setups, good news is I and other Free Thinkers will find each other and be at peace with our new life without the God concept.
Happy Monday🩷
What a beautiful story of hope.
Thank you.
Suzanne B
Hi Roger, your article is much appreciated. I have become more secular with each passing year in sobriety and I fought to have the responsibility statement included at the end of our meetings. It was a fight indeed but group conscience finally voted yes. We need to be sure we are not losing anyone who believes AA is a religious program. Keep up the good work. ☮️