My Home Group
By Murray J.
This article is being written in support of my secular group.
I call my AA home the Beyond Belief Suburban West Group in Mississauga Ontario. How did I get here?
My mother died on Mothers Day in 1995. For the next year I stayed drunk every day. Truth be told I had been heading into alcoholism long before her death.
The inevitable crash and burn happened when my wife gave me an ultimatum… get help or get out. Being the full blown alcoholic that I was I debated whether to get help or keep on drinking knowing that if I continued I would lose the love of my life. Thank goodness I got help. I attended an outpatient treatment program at our local hospital in the summer of 1996. My sobriety date is June 20th, 1996. While in that program representatives from local traditional AA groups explained what AA was and wasn’t. As a requirement of the program I attended two meetings per week. From the start I recoiled at all the god references. But my urge to stay sober outweighed my discomfort with the god stuff.
Fast forward sixteen or so years. I heard about a secular group that had just formed. I did not hesitate. I attended right away and I’ve been going ever since.
As we are all too painfully aware COVID did a number on meeting attendance. Zoom became an option but many of us longed for the face to face meetings. Our group never fully recovered. We have been suffering from dwindling attendance over the past couple of years. So what are we doing about it? Writing this article is a start. We have also looked at how our group is listed at our District 6, Greater Toronto Intergroup and AA Toronto Agnostics sites. Suffice to say they were out of date and are being revised. We are also planning to contact all the treatment programs in our area to make them aware that their patients can have a secular option.
It may be inevitable that our group dissolves but we will put in maximum efforts to try and keep it afloat. At the end of the day we need to keep the doors open for the next stumbling drunk, like me, that needs a safe secular home.
Our closed discussion group meets every Wednesday evening at 7pm at the Glenbrook Presbyterian Church at 3535 South Common Court in Mississauga. We meet in the Studio Room.
And for the record, I’m still married to the love of my life.
Murray J. last drank on June 20th, 1996. First introduced to AA during a treatment program he balked at the emphasis on god in the literature and at meetings. Fortunately he found a new secular meeting had formed in his area. He has been an active member of that group ever since. He was fortunate to find a like minded sponsor who helped him in the early days of his journey. Today he is happily retired. Having had an interest in electronics and radio in his youth he recently became a licenced amateur radio operator.
For a PDF of today’s article, click here: My Home Group.
Yes, all AA in person meetings in my area of SE Montana are seeing reduced attendance. Fortunately we have a benevolent landlord who has not raised the rent in 20 years and each hour pays only $5 to our club which is sufficient for it to actually do better than break even. At least one solution is just to accept that meetings are apt to be fewer than 5 people except for one or two really popular ones. While it’s more fun to have a diversity of participants, I find it possible to enjoy an hour of reading the various daily readers and to reflect upon some aspect of my sobriety. And Montana has many “groups” where a single person who deeply appreciates what they found in AA and shows up every week usually alone. I usually have company at least.
Thanks for your article and the ideas for growth.
Thanks for a straightforward read Murray. Good on ya for fixing and updating the meeting list. It sure helps folk find ya when they need to. I like those Ontario meetings and consider one of them that is online my home group, a fringe benefit of Covid. Congrats on your sober life.
I entered AA, and remain, an agnostic – my sobriety date is 9/29/03. For for the first six months continued nearly daily meetings, but failed to make any progress in achieving what “they” had, other than sobriety. I was aware of and around those in recovery for years before, but on the outside looking in, and was envious of the changes I saw in those who were members. At 6 months and still finding the God talk an issue, I asked someone to be my sponsor and began to “work” the steps with him. He knew of my lack of a spiritual base, and in step three asked me one question – “Do you believe that I believe” to which I answered, “Yes”, and I meant it. He then replied “Well that’s all that matters at this time. Your path will be your path.” Whew, that made a huge difference. I then, slowly, was able to begin to see the similarities rather than the differences, and saw many (most) in the rooms for which the God thing worked, and also I began to realize that there were others in the rooms that shared my lack of that belief, and found their own “higher power” (i.e., not themselves) in alternative ways – the program and the fellowship, in Buddhism, or other ways. I read and learned about the beginnings of AA and realized that without its close identification with traditional beliefs, it would never have started, much less prevailed. I continue to have my AA home in that same home group, and have “grown” (??) to the point that the God talk is seldom the issue it was for me originally. I share my path when called upon and have never been pressured to “change or leave.” I know quite a few whose path has not been what mine has been, and have left, to what result I do not know. I share with others my experiences in AA when I hear their issues with lack of belief, letting them know it is possible to become comfortable and to remain sober AND in recovery. I am fortunate to have my home group that is welcoming to all.
Just starting my day out. I got this email & it is just what I needed. You have brightened my outlook on life just for today. Thank you. 🌺🙋🏻♀️🌞👍
Nice share, Murray, thank you. I started a NA Carolina Agnostics Group (yes, it’s the other fellowship but alcohol is a drug!) two months ago on Hilton Head Island, SC. The group has four members so far and will be included in NA area meeting lists by June (hopefully). It’s the very first in-person secular NA meeting in Sought Carolina. I’m confident that our ongoing promotion of the group to area therapists and treatment facilities will result in more members. There are no secular in-person AA groups locally. If there were, I would attend them as well as NA.
I was at the first meeting of the Mississauga group. It was a HAPPENING, as I recall. Good turnout and a good meeting. Those of us who want meetings like this to exist need to support them, and not just once in a while. Thanks for your efforts. We are looking to reactivate Whitby Freethinkers.
All meetings have seem massive reductions in attendance. My old group Tuesday Streetsville, is completely decimated. I don’t live in the area anymore and struggled with the god stuff there for a long time. Out here in Newfoundland I find much tolerance for us free thinkers and have found atheist old timers and live meetings well attended, with so little god stuff as to be barely noticeable. We desperately need to change to attract the young. Our membership is in the toilet.
Thanks for your sobriety Murray and your writing. I knew Carol in your group, wondering if she is still around.
Mary M. 6/29/86