The audio version of Twelve Steps for Agnostics
By Andy F.
My name is Andy, and I am an alcoholic. I attended my first meeting in London on the 15th of May, 1984. I believe I was an alcoholic from my first drink at the age of thirteen. With the help of AA, I was able to arrest my addiction. Early sobriety came as a shock. Life without alcohol felt very overwhelming. Mentally and emotionally, I was a mess.
My family doctor referred me to the local mental health team. Following a psychiatric assessment, I was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder on top of my alcoholism. To stabilize my dramatic mood swings, I was prescribed medication and continued to attend AA meetings.
I wanted nothing to do with the Twelve Steps. In childhood, I had negative experiences with religion and religious people. As far as I was concerned, there was no God, and religion was all just hypocritical nonsense. In those early days, I was so unstable that despite spending money on counselors and therapists, I kept picking up the first drink again and again. In those days, I knew nothing about secular AA.
After many years as a serial relapser, I finally got lucky. I met a seasoned and experienced old-timer named David. He sponsored many guys in AA. I asked him for help and wasted no time in telling him that I didn’t believe in God. He told me not to worry about that. As long as I was willing to remain teachable and follow his suggestions, he was happy to take me through the program.
David’s interpretation of steps two and three was a game-changer for an agnostic like me. It was the first time in recovery that a respected old-timer told me I didn’t need to believe in God for the 12 steps to work. I stayed with David for about two years. He helped me a lot with his suggestions, but we eventually fell out over a personal matter.
Not long after, I met Jamie, another agnostic-friendly old-timer from LA. His position on Steps two and three was very similar to David’s. He did, however, suggest I rewrite my fourth step. He believed in the format Bill describes in chapter five of the Big Book. I’m glad he did that because that was also a game-changer in my recovery. I believed I had a right to be angry about my childhood, which had always been the primary trigger whenever I picked up the first drink.
I promised Jamie I wouldn’t get involved in a romantic relationship and broke my promise. We, too, ended our collaboration. I finished the program with another sponsor from Poland called Witek. The result of all this step work was nothing short of spectacular. At no point did I have to turn my will and my life over to God or ask him to remove my shortcomings; I wondered how many atheists and agnostic members in AA may benefit from the experience I had with these old-timers.
Using the best of what I learned from my agnostic-friendly sponsors, I decided to write The Twelve Steps for Agnostics. There is no question that for many years in AA, I was a hopeless case. If this agnostic interpretation of the twelve steps could help a guy like me, it could help other non-believers who were struggling in AA.
Recently, I produced an audio version of the book, which is available through my website. Audiobooks are becoming increasingly more popular. It occurred to me that this format might be helpful for alcoholics and addicts in treatment, especially for those who may struggle with reading or have dyslexia.
https://aaforagnostics.com/audiobook/
In September of last year, I celebrated 28 years clean and sober. What a testament to the agnostic interpretation of the steps I received from the various sponsors I’ve had. I have little doubt that these men saved my life. The least I could do was record what I learned from them in a book.
What is also truly amazing about the power of the twelve steps is that I was able to come off my medication. I have all but recovered from the symptoms of my coexisting personality disorder. I hope other AA members who may be struggling with sobriety because they don’t believe in God may benefit from my experience with the old-timers who showed me the path to freedom.
For more information about Andy and the books that he has written and published, click here: https://aaforagnostics.com/.
For a PDF of today’s article, click here: The audio version of Twelve Steps for Agnostics.
Andy! Great way to reach out to more people!
Fabulous. Thank goodness for understanding sponsors, of which I had as well.
Teresa in Monterey CA
Thanks for your kind words Teresa. My first sponsor David B, who was actually a practicing catholic, literally saved my life my showing me an agnostic interpretation of the 12 steps. I’ll always be grateful to that man 💖
Thanks so much for sharing! I downloaded this on my Spotify. I live on a small Island in Canada and two years ago I found an agnostic group. I was giving up on AA because of the God stuff. It has helped me immensely. Although I haven’t done the 12 steps after almost 5 years of sobriety, this definitely spurs me to do so. If that’s you reading your book, it’s a great voice to listen to which is very helpful too. Haha ✌️
I’m a Brit Susan, so it isn’t me reading but I liked the voice of the guy I choice for the narration. I hope you get benefit from the audiobook. Even though it requires some written work on the steps, it’s well worth the effort involved. Good luck and happy listening 🎧
Your audio Twelve Steps for Agnostics, Andy, is an invaluable service to others hoping to recover from their alcoholism without the intrusion of the God distraction. Adopting increasingly service-oriented thinking is incredibly helpful! Well done.
For an agnostic, you use the word miracle rather frequently in your introduction. Did something supernatural achieve your sobriety for you or did you achieve this by your own will?
Hi Big Rusty. My use of the word miracle when describing my journey through the 12 steps is intentional. It does however have no religious connotation. I did an agnostic interpretation of the 12 steps. They not only helped to get a hopeless relapser like me sober, but also helped to heal me from a personality disorder. I am happy to call that a miracle.
Andy, I am an atheist, so perhaps that is the difference.
While I do not believe that I am the greatest and that there are definitely things greater than me, I definitely do not believe in the supernatural or magic!!
I am sober quite a few 24 hours. I have never needed a higher power. What I needed, and still need, was/is guidance on how to live like a descent person, which was never part of my education or upbringing.
I found that guidance and wisdom in the thinking of ancient and enlightened philosophers, yet, I will never refer to them/this as my higher power because of the semantic connection of a HP in AA to god or something supernatural. Likewise, I won’t refer to my finding of this wisdom, or my sobriety as a miracle, as I know that ultimately, it was me and only me that put in the hard yards. No magic, no miracles, no fairies, no unicorns.
Interesting that so few people understand that being agnostic can never be finely neutral. Agnostics, when they are honest, admit they are agnostic-believers or agnostic non-believers. Whomever argues that nothing can be known of the existence or nature of God, but there is maybe some unknowable version of higher power, is vaguely an agnostic believer. “What’s in a name? That which we call a rose / by any other name would smell as sweet…” Romeo and Juliet, Act II, Wm. Shakespeare. Call it what you will, but a “higher power” by any other name is still what it is and requires faith and believing. The other side is the neutral non-believer who claims agnosticism but is quietly suspicious there’s no version of “higher power.”
Claiming agnosticism, in either case, is a pleasant way to avoid being held accountable. This is evident when people claim to be agnostic and talk of the Big Book being a higher power, or claim to experience the miracle of AA, or use AA or their sponsor as a higher power; these are believers. Agnostics, when they are honest about their subtlety of beliefs and opinions, are certainly agnostics, but never neutral. In depth psychology, because of the inherent nature of this culture, being agnostic and perfectly neutral is never an option. Rigorous honesty and accountability take each of us to recognize there is no neutral. This is tougher and more subtle than most of us realize.
Thanks Richard, Following Bill W’s lead, when he wrote Step two, I am happy to use his expression, “A power greater than us”.
Call it semantics but it works for me.
It’s an easy-out to label the nature of what a person believes as “just semantics.” I wrote about the delicate nuance of being agnostic and you cleverly dismissed the importance of accountability. That does two things. The first is it implies that I am nit-picking and overly critical—it’s just semantics. Second is claiming “semantics” is a shallow avoidance tactic for some people who manufacture ways to be not held accountable for evasiveness or contradiction. Yes, I know it works for you, but there’s a cost to not holding ourselves accountable.
It is interesting that very often a person claims it’s just semantics when they seek an easy-out from evasiveness or contradiction. Yes, I know suggesting it’s semantics works for you but my response isn’t semantics.
In a conversation I had with the GSO of AA, I was assured that the AA program is “open to personal interpretation” Therefore my testimony is as follows. Take it or leave it.
The expression “higher power” had me confused and in relapse for years as an agnostic.
The expression “A power greater than ourselves” as used by Bill Wilson in Step 2 literally saved my life. This expression can mean anything. It can mean the group, the suggestions of your agnostic friendly sponsor, it can mean anything of a non spiritual nature you want it to mean.
You have to wonder if Bill was being all inclusive by using the expression “power greater than ourselves” rather then “higher power”.
It is if course open to person interpretation and it is of course semantics.
I’m sure I’m not the only one on here who is EXTREMELY grateful that you are here to let us all know what we are doing wrong. I appreciate it. I don’t know how we got along here at Agnostica in the pre-Richard Clark era. You’re pretty late to the game here. We somehow managed but things are much better since you arrived with all of your generous advice. Many, many, many thanks. Some might view you as arrogant but I see you as helpful.
👍
Awesome… I benefited from a long time atheist in AA in my early days… I wanted to rewrite the big book and he pounded into my head, over and over…..believe what you need to believe to be sober and let other people believe what they need to believe… Pretty much just mind your own business.
And it’s worked for me.
Thanks Tim
Minding my own business has sometimes been a big challenge for me, especially when drawn into conflict with religious fundamentalists in AA. I’m getting better at it though and don’t bother engaging with them. I remind myself of tradition three. They have as much right to be at an AA meeting as anyone else.